Status

Hi Chris.

I was wondering if I could ask you something.  You seem to be having a
pretty good time following the advice of our friend Ernie, living a
slower life, not working too much, spending time on hobbies and fitness,
etc.  You _don't_ seem to be too concerned about what your next
"mountain to climb" will be.  You seem content, like you're more-or-less
done with the external world of achievement.

I, however, cannot seem to do like you.  I feel driven to achieve more -
not so much in money necessarily, but in conquering new things - making
new and interesting friends - becoming "known" in some new field of
endeavor, etc.  For example, if I were Ernie, I would be out striving to
become a NY Times bestseller.  But I would still have a nice balanced
life, spending lots of time with my family, etc.

As human beings, and especially men, I think that we are driven to
increase our status in society, whether we want to admit it or not.  You
seem to have squelched that desire.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Thanks,
Steve

I told Steve that I would think about this for a couple of days and blog on it. Since it's been 2 weeks, I thought I better give it a shot.

Just to give my readers a bit of background: I've never met Steve, but I know that he is younger than me and he is financially independent. I think it's safe to say he is where he is BECAUSE he's driven. The "Ernie" he is speaking of, is Ernie Zelinski, who wrote the awesome book: "The Joy of Not Working."

Steve: i think it's safe to say 99% of the people reading this would agree that what you have achieved so far in your life is amazing and would love to be in your shoes (me included!) Who cares if no one knows you! You can literally do what ever you want, live wherever you want and not take shit from anyone.

I'm not financially independent yet. So I still, necessarily have to pursue money making ventures. I think I will be very happy when this phase of my life is over. I'm very lucky, in that my current work takes very little of my time and gives me lots of free time.

I'm definitely happiest when my calendar is empty. It's almost a genetic thing. Heather, my wife, is the opposite. Her calendar in Outlook is unreadable it's so full of stuff.

I think the stuff you want to do (make new friends, conquer new things) I want to do as well! The difference is, I just don't want to be "known." I went through the phase of wanting to be president when I was a kid, who doesn't? More recently, when I was in my late twenties I actually wrote on a performance review at Texas Instruments that my long term goal was to be the CEO. That gave everyone a good laugh.

I now think it would be horrible to be the President and can't believe anyone actually wants that job! Your private life would be gone. You couldn't go out in public alone again. You couldn't surf for porn anymore. No thank you!!!

For at least a decade now, my goal has been to be rich and anonymous. One book that drove that point home was "How to Be Invisible." Everybody needs to read this book (after they read Ernie's book.)

I guess my advice is that it's OK to be driven or to be laid back, as long as you are not stressing or losing sleep. Try if possible, to lose your need to be known. I've read that famous people would love to regain their anonymity. Be thankful you are unknown!

Comments

[John Strain]

Good post Chris,
I hope it doesn't make you famous. I think it boils down to what we think of ourselves on the inside. If you have inner contentment, no small task, nothing else matters. If you are rich, poor, famous, or anonymous it does not matter.

If the need to get rich and famous is to satiate the inner hunger then it won't work. People often chase goals hoping it will give them some kind of contentment. That tactic is getting the cart before the horse.

It is a pretty good system, because all one needs is inner peace. Everything else is a matter of preference.

[chris]

I don't know if I have inner hunger or contentment. If I was content, I probably wouldn't spend as much money as I do, and I probably wouldn't watch the stock market as closely. I guess I've got a ways to go(g).

[John Strain]

I really think that the pull to material and spiritual is dynamic. Our values monitor what we do, want, and strive for. We never "arrive." At least you better hope you don't, what would be the point in living if there were no new horizons to walk or run toward?